Saturday, June 02, 2007

The Struggle For A Breathing Humanity

I have been turning in at very late hours, about 4 plus 5 a.m., of the morning lately; it has in fact been over two months that I could barely lie down in my bed at the time of midnight.

Reason being that I have taken up a course, which has begun in March. Though the schedule was never close to being hectic - four days of lectures and two assignments for each subject, where I have just two subjects in total, the immensity of urgently needing to manage my time well presses hard on me. A deeper exploration, consciously and conscientiously made, dawned on me that its really a question of how discipline I am.

When one doesn't obtain a good and sufficient amount of sleep as he or she desires, there's a tendency to have an inner frustration developed, constantly waiting for the right time to explode and break out. Tiredness indeed has its own destructive force - it breaks one's clarity down and confuses the mind. No other group of humans than the POWs (Prisoners Of War) understood this fearful yet silent force better - many were tortured simply by being denied the right to sleep when they were imprisoned by the enemies. Along that dreadful path of war-time confinement some had developed hallucinations and become mentally ill at the end.

"Nothing is more barbaric than war", so says my Mentor. In the basest condition of life, every mean of torture is luxuriously created.

I have to admit here that my health is never considered very good from my younger days. I have always been plagued by symptoms of 'heatiness', a term used in the TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) to describe and diagnose the presence of 'internal, excessive heat'. Common flu, running nose, sore throat, watery eyes, fever and cough are of no strange illnesses to me.

Coupled with an innate, inborn impatience, anger and stress got the better of me constantly, and in many instances, regrettably, I succumbed to it by allowing my senses and logic be taken over. Thinking back now, I find myself wordless in the face of my past misdeeds; a simple "be more careful in future" caution is the only reminder I have of my footing into the realm of anger.

However, as of lately, I have noticed a change in my health condition: I have not fallen sick for the past three months, ever since I began my course, which saw me sleeping at a much later time, and waking up at 9 a.m. still to proceed for my work. In short, I have felt very concretely a thin flow of energy running through my body, recuperating and continuously generating a fresh stream of strength that allows me to carry on with my daytime work even though I was already quite worn out the night before.

This has definitely come to me as a surprise, though a pleasant one. For I, one who have been suffering running nose, constant sneezing and barely half-opened swollen eyes throughout my teen and adult years, could have enjoyed a good consistent condition of my health and immune system! How long ago have I stopped being tormented by the fact that I could never changed this condition, I actually could no longer recalled it. However surely, I could feel one single source for this one single change - the restructuring of my heart.

Yes, its quite a simple change in fact. One's heart is all that one needs to change. Why is that so? I somehow knew the answer to all these improvements, which I would quietly tap on my shoulder and be glad that I have done it. It is the letting-go of several emotional burdens and weights, which I have let them sunk into the 'field' of my heart and taken roots there. These weights, commonly known to others as 'negative memories' or 'grudges', have occupied a significant portion of me, which I would carry them wherever and whenever I go. True to the theory of 'Oneness of Body and Mind', I indeed have unknowingly become a grungy person who holds negative views on virtually anything that comes along the way. Nothing has meaning to me anymore. No joy could be derived from matters which seemed enjoyable to others, and certainly, those people who find joy in living out their lives are simply deemed pathetic to me. Life adopts a grayish profile as far as I see it, though on appearance alone, I express a livelier, jovial attitude to my environment. It is simply nothing but a coverage to my sniggering cynicism.

Suddenly, with my inner self opening up and bowing humbly to this admittance, every thing and matter lightens up. Not only I look at every piece of falling leaf with a totally different perspective, I feel every life coming forth around me. It is this enlightening condition that I realised for once that every living soul in this world is endowed with this wonderful fountain of clear energy and youthfulness. The moment one is able to tap into this vast, inner pool of strength, he/ she will enjoy this endless feeding of energy and clarity. All he/ she needs to do now is to use that pool of energy and exert him/ herself in the physical world, developing progress for the environment and generating positive, forward-moving episodes for humanity. One's heart, though invisible, is truly reflecting and shining out like a movie projector, onto this gigantic canvas called 'the world'.

It is also from here that one comes to see for himself why has confusion arise in the world. Different people holding differing views for himself and the world, and desiring different matters, would wrestle with those who live not only for themselve but others also. Thus, as these two groups project both their narrow-minded desires as well as embracing, humanistic dreams onto their surrounding and the world-at-large, differences are created and conflicts generated. The battle for humanity, thus, lie not in changing the external realm; it should and must begin with the inner reformation of each living, breathing human being.

On this note, it is also worth knowing that whoever goes against his inborn innate humanity, that person is in fact suffering by his own hands; he is slowly tightening the rope that has been placed around the neck of his own inner humanity. For every hurt he does to his surrounding and people who care for him, he is in fact strangling his own inborn compassion and living soul. They who are viewed as 'rebels' or social outcast are in fact the most pitiful of all, for they are slowly murdering their own humanity on a day-by-day basis, gradually transforming their own lives into a beastly one. It is at this point that one's decision to either embrace or condemn these outcasts would come to determine which direction the world will take. The larger the flowering of humanistic values blossoms in this confusion-filled world, the stronger a breathing humanity could live and progress; any other direction would retreat the entire world back to the dark ages. The struggle of humanity truly lies in the unseen dimension of each single human life.

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